part 1/3 appearing confident
look the part: fake it till you make it. once you feel like you look confident you'll feel confident. dress how you feel best. try these:
• devote time to hygiene. groom your hair and skin, shower daily, and floss and brush your teeth daily
• dress for confidence. you don't need to buy a new wardrobe to feel good. as long as you feel good, are clean, and comfortable you're ready for confidence
• but don't forget, don't get all dolled up if a pizza delivery guy comes, that's just kind of creepy. but don't forget, if you think you look nice odds are you probably do
perfect your posture: how you carry yourself is important, it shows the other person who's boss and shows your confidence. keep you chin high, shoulders back, and spine straight. sit up straight and walk without dragging your feet. when you look confident people will think you are.
• you're going to fool everyone, including yourself. research shows that positioning your body a certain way can make you feel different, so positioning yourself confidently makes you look in charge. also having confident body language lowers your stress levels
smile: make sure you can grin easily, you'd be surprised on how a smile can make you feel comfortable. can't you imagine talking to somebody looking disgusted? no thanks!
• if you're worried you look fake, smile small. people can see a fake smile from a mile away. but, if you're genuinely happy to see someone, or just happy to practice your confidence skills, flash your teeth!
make eye contact: it's a tiny change, but it can work wonders for how people think of you. it shows that you're interested in the conversation, you respect the person, you're worthy communicating with and that you acknowledge them. you don't want to be rude right?
• all eyes are unique. they're Windows to the soul and show your feelings and attention. making eye contact improves your confidence. you'll come out as trustworthy and be more appreciated. if you can't smile for yourself, smile for everybody else
have approachable body language: if you see somebody in the corner playing video games, would you go over and talk to them? most likely no. if you want people to approach you, make sure you're approachable.
• keep your body open. if your legs and arms are crossed you're more closed in and non approachable. same with your hands and face, if it's clear you're busy, people will take the hint
hold your gaze: now you've got eye contact down, practice. did you know that people are just as shy as eye contact as you are? try this: make eye contact with someone and see who lasts longer. do they look away before you? see? they're also uncomfortable
• I'm not telling you to have a stare down. staring for awkwardness is not the point of this. this point is is that you're not the only person nervous. if you get caught, smile. scariness over
part 2/3: thinking confidently
recognize your talents and good qualities and write them down: no matter how sad you are, find something to be happy about. focus on your attributes. think of your good qualities of personality, friendships, looks, and talents
• think about compliments people gave you. what have they told you that you never thought? maybe hoe you act Collin stressful situations or your smile
• remember old accomplishments. it can be something that everybody or just you knows, maybe like being at the top of the class, or being the bigger person. realize how great this was.
(cont.)
• think about the qualities you want to improve. nobody's perfect so give yourself some credit. the fact that you try to better yourself means you're good hearted and humble, and those are your positive attributes.
• now write down everything good about yourself and look at it next time you're sad. add to it as much as you can
think of the obstacles that stand in front of your confidence:
take a piece of paper and write the the obstacles
EX: not many friends, bad grades, introversion
now ask yourself: is that logical or valid? or are these my personal fault? for your info, the answers are no or yes. how does that determine your self worth? it doesn't!
• EX: you didn't do good on your last math test, so you don't feel confident at the next test. but ask yourself: if you prepared, studied, and worked with a teacher, would you do better? yes. that was just a one time thing. there is NO REASON not to be confident
remember that everyone struggles with confidence: some people are good at hiding it, but everybody struggles one time or another. you're not alone. odds are, if somebody's confident, they're probably scared inside. confidence is rarely universal
• here's a fact: most people are focused on how they look than judging you. ever notice how people love talking about things that barely matter? 99% people are self focused. now sigh of relief and realize you don't need to be perfect
(cont.)
• don't compare yourself to anybody. not everything is a competition. you don't need to be the most popular, smartest, or prettiest person to be happy. if you are very competitive, be competitive with yourself
see confidence as a progress, not a singular achievement: having confidence isn't the end of the finish line, the process will always love forward, there's gonna be a day where you feel like starting a square one. remember the confidence hurdles you've already achieved, take deep breaths, and keep going. if you're going through a hard time, pat yourself on the back even if you didn't do anything
(cont.)
• odds are you wont realize that you're confident until you're used to it. was there a day when you realized you were punctual, funny, smart, and resourceful? probably no. if you don't see changes, know that you're focusing too much on one thing. you can't see the forest through trees kind of thing. you understand
remember you were born with it: I'm not maybelline. when you were born, you didn't care how soft your head was or who heard you crying. you just were. society made you feel this way. it was learned. you know what people say about things you learn? they can be unlearned
• find the confidence you were born with. it's buried under the perceived judgements, praise, and threats. take people out of the picture. it doesn't matter. it has nothing to do with you. pure good. you shouldn't be judged
get out of your head: lack of confidence doesn't change the world, so remember that. if you catch yourself talking bad about yourself, stop. if the world is revolving without you, revolve with it. the only moment is now. don't you wanna be a part of that?
• a lot of the world exists out of your head. also thinking about what you look or feel like distracts you from the world. practice not thinking about the future or past. concentrate on the now, it's probably very exciting
part 3/3: practicing confidence
embrace your interests: if there's a hobby or sport you want to be good at, do it now! boost your confidence and practice your talents. start building projects, learn a foreign language or musical instrument, or take an art class, whatever catches your interest
• don't get down if you're not immediately amazing. remember that this is a process you're in it for the relaxing recreation time and small victories, not to be the best
• take a hobby and do it with a group. find people that share you interest and build confidence. look for groups you can join
talk to strangers: confidence is more than a state of mind, it's a habit. that's all people are. so to be confident, do confident things. make a conversation with a stranger. it's hard at first, but it becomes easier.
• no, it won't creep out people unless you look like a aggressive and smelly Quasimodo. if somebody says hey and smiles at you and invites you for coffee bean or Starbucks, how would you feel? good. everyone likes to be spontaneous, be the hero, and talk to people. you can brighten someone's dull day.
• you don't have the opportunity? how about the barista? the cashier? randoms?
don't over apologize: being able to apologize is a good trait. only say it when necessary. apologizing when you did the tiniest thing, doesn't show confidence. before it comes out of your mouth, think if it's worth apologizing for.
• use workarounds. express your regret and sympathy without apologizing
EX: if you briefly inconvenience somebody, say I hope this wasn't too much trouble instead of sorry.
(cont.)
• apologizing makes you look unsure of yourself. and it doesn't make sense if you're confident. why say sorry when you didn't do anything? when you say sorry a lot it loses value. being sorry for everything means you're sorry for nothing. think of saying sorry like I love you. only say it to something you care about
accept compliments gracefully: don't shrug it off and roll your eyes, own it. you deserve it! say thank you, make eye contact, and smile. be nice when somebody compliments you, it shows your secure sense of self worth and politeness
• give a compliment back. this helps if you feel uncomfortable. this makes the "score" even
build your confidence by helping others: do an unannounced good deed or give a compliment. you'll feel better about yourself and brighten someone's day. when you become a positive source, others will want to be around you for a good vibe
• many people aren't good at receiving compliments. odds are, they'll respond back with a compliment. just make sure they'll respond skeptically or you actually mean it, "I really like you're shirt. was it made in China?" might not get a good response
drop those who bring you down: it's hard to be confident when people judge you. you can naturally be a self assured, extroverted, and loud person, but with people who judge, you turn into a sad little puppy. they need to be dropped like a bad habit. now.
• surround yourself with people who make you feel like the best you. being around these people will help you make the growth you want
slow down: many people don't do groups. even more people don't do public speaking. if you find yourself in a situation like this, slow down. when you're nervous, you tend to get things over with. don't do it. it shows that you're nervous.
• #1 breathe. when you take sharp and short breaths your ready to flight or fight. forget that and calm down. luckily, people aren't rocket science
• #2 slow down your actions. think of a 6 year old high on sugar, that's you. match your actions to your breathing. voila!
expect success: life is a self fulfilling prophecy. when you think you're gonna fail, you don't try as hard. when you think you're not good enough, you act not good enough. if you expect success, you act confident. pessimism undermines your abilities
• you're thinking "I can predict the future! you just said not to!" well yes, but why expect failure when you can expect success? they're both possible, one isn't more likely than the other! BOOM! #roasted
take risks: sometimes the only way out is through. to get through life, you have to go through experiences. you can't be amazing right away. if you do the same thing every day you'll never get better at everything. you need a chance to grow
• failure is bound to happen. it always does. it doesn't matter. the only thing that matters is when you get back up. everyone goes through set backs but not everybody can get back up. getting back up builds confidence, so you need to fail at least once
